The Worrier

I have to put a disclaimer here first - what I am about to write is in no way intended to hurt anyone.

I'm not a natural worrier.

As a teenager I was definitely a bridge burner, the cry of 'next!' was always on my lips. With no real idea of where I was going, and even less of why I was going there, I careered about the globe in a state of naive bliss.

Relatively naive bliss. Stuff happened but I was young enough to shrug it off and carry on. What I wasn't prepared for was that it would all come flooding back to haunt me much later on in life.

I won't bore you (and myself) with repeating the story of my life because its just too tedious for words in my head and too fantastical for the rest of you.

My relationships have all been bad in one way or another. In one way in particular is that they have all left me with an acute feeling of worry.

I worry about almost everything. Most of the time its reasonably under control, or at least I can hide it from others. I'm actually quite good at hiding it from myself too. I have acquired techniques, tricks and mental sleight of hand that allow me to function reasonably well even though I am sometimes in a continual state of anxiety.

Ok kids, this sounds worse than it is. Many of us have developed 'coping' techniques over the years. Social etiquette is made of 'coping' techniques. Shaking hands, kissing, saying "How are you?" without meaning it are all forms of 'coping'.

It gets serious when you have to discuss things with yourself like "Do I go out of the house today?"