Archive

23 / 05 / 2006

Tired, sore, worried about my health in general.

I think the meeting went well and I presented myself well.

Waiting for Spaghetti Bolognese here in Terminal 1 at Heathrow.

Its cleaner than I remember but that's hardly difficult to achieve. So I'm trying to do the right thing by eating something.

Trying also to be nice to myself, gentle on myself. I've got the starting of a cold and it worries me more than I thought it ever would. Of course I wish I was home. Couldn't sleep last night in the hotel in spite of the sleeping pill (which has been knocking me out like a light lately). Strange environment? Airco? Whatever ....

Feeling sad now - maybe just the muzak, the tiredness.

If one thing has been proved the last 2 days in London is that I can still do this sort of job better than most other people .... and I'm not much older than some of the people in this company.

I wanna go home ....

I find myself looking at men and thinking 'is he?' .... 'the cheeks are sunken but does that mean ....?'

I can't feel like this the rest of my life and expect myself to function normally. One night away from home and I'm already ill. Sore throat, cold sores, bitten the inside of my mouth too .... and my arse .... its a bloody massacre down there.

I've got to find a doctor and probably get treated quickly because this is not what you would call normal, but how?

Damn it! How do I solve this?

My greatest concern is staying healthy enough to do this new job properly, and keep it.

Even my arm pain has returned, has to be stress, doesn't it? And the clicky joints, what's that all about? Is it all related? Possible? Probable?

Pull a mask over your nose and mouth and breathe normally .... get me the fuck back to Amsterdam ....