“He can't be Poz, he's Fat!”

Being fat and hiv positive is still seen as an oxymoron by many. How many times have I heard “He can't be Poz, he's fat!”. The world in general, and the Gay world in specific sees the stereotypical Gay Poz Man as a sort of Rwandan refugee. The images of early victims, especially the Benetton photo, have embedded this stereotype in the general consciousness.

The reality is that approximately 30% of Gay Poz Men in western europe are overweight. Personally I think this has at least something to do with the approximately 25% of them being severely depressed. I know I eat when I'm depressed, even though the psychiatrists say that the tendency is to under-eat when depressed.

Back when survival was of the utmost importance, and a few kilos were of no importance whatsoever, then no-one was going to look at where it was coming from.

Now we know that if the hiv meds aren't the fat magnet, then the anti-depressants, tranquilizers, painkillers, and/or sleeping tablets are. A Gay Poz Man can go through being 0% body fat one minute to being 30 kilos overweight the next. The magic median is very difficult to achieve, especially with the 'new survivors' of middle aged Gay Poz Men.

You can say what you like about the harms of smoking for Gay Poz Men, but it did keep us thin and gorgeous. Without being too flippant, drug abuse meant never having to eat during a weekend either. Constant (sex)exercise during every waking hour has been replaced by a new sort of 'responsibility', anxious of scary quality of life threatening STD's we stay at home and knit egg warmers and eat ....

Stephenism

"I'm going to have to be really nice to my Boss

if I want him to terminate my contract next month."

Read this again .... slowly ....

This is the truth. The irrevocable Truth which can only be achieved via the convoluted paths of indisputable Logic that springs from the mind that is Stephen.

The one thing you must remember with a Stephenism is that he's not trying to be funny ....

Shortening Arms - Myth or Mystery?

Due to popular demand (and many moanings from the over 40's) I've changed the template for the blog to make it easier to read for people whose arms are getting shorter by the day. 

Even people with huuuuuuuuge wide screen Apple monitors ;-)

Stephenism

"I'm sure a Treadmill is unhealthy,

my heart rate goes up just by stepping onto it!"

Roadrunner Tribute

Don't make me comment on this ....

http://www.luriddigs.com

Dustin the Turkey - Irelande Douze Pointe

"We're all sorry for Riverdance"

I hate the Eurovision Song Contest, but I might just watch this year .... nah ....

Dustin the Turkey

"Shake your feathers and pop your beak, shake it to the west and to the east."

"Wave Euro-hands and Euro-feet, wave them in the air to the turkey beat."

This year Dustin the Turkey will be performing Ireland's Eurovision Song Contest entry 'Irelande Douze Pointe' in Belgrade in May.

Dustin is a seasoned performer with his own TV show 'Dustin's Daily News'. His recording track record lists 14 singles and six albums to his name. His last album - 'Bling When You're Minging' - was released in 2005 and featured a duet with Chris De Burgh.

Good grief ....

Mother's Day

Just a quick reminder to the British expatriates amongst us .... Easter is early this year which means Mother's Day is too .... March 2nd .... NEXT WEEK!!!!

The B-52's - Private Idaho

Oh My God!

After 16 years of vinyl silence the B-52's release a new album in March!!!!

"Funplex"

(p.s. we know who got that wig after Cindy had finished with it don't we ....)

Microsoft warns of Vista Update

Microsoft is warning Windows Vista users that a forthcoming service pack for the operating system may stop some third-party programs working.

The list of programs affected by Service Pack 1 is divided into three. Some will be blocked by the update, some will not run and others will lose some of their functions.

Microsoft warned that its list was not "comprehensive" and asked people to get in touch with the maker of any affected software to fix problems.

They have also been forced to withdraw an update to Vista that was required before Service Pack 1 could be applied.

source: BBC

Don't judge me for sniggering .... I can't help it .... that a company this big does something like this .... again .... and again .... and again .... and again ....

Chicago, Illinois - Victor/Victoria

I always hated Lesley Anne Warren for beating me to this role .... the director told me I was too tall ....

"Trendy travellers tend to talk
of London, Paris, Rome, New York.
Like only they were stylish and unique."

"But out in the mid-west
is the city I love the best.
A town so smart
its spelling starts
with C.H.I.C
Chic!"

Hiv = Big Money

Hiv treatment is turning into a big profit centre for the pharmaceutical industry. What seemed like a few years ago a profit killer is now rapidly turning into a profit maker.

Failure to develop a vaccine, steadily climbing infection rates, the medical profession advising earlier use of treatment, patients living much longer and the new generation of once a day pills is increasing the potential client base for hiv medication exponentially. 

For example; Gilead Sciences Inc. who developed and produce Truvada, and are responsible for the new standard introduction medication in the States, Atripla. Their hiv product sales increased 30% from 2005 to 2006, and then 48% 2006 to 2007, making their market worth $42 billion making it the third largest biotechnology company in the world.

Atripla is now the most prescribed treatment for patients starting therapy in the U.S. and is expected to bring in sales above $1 billion this year alone.

source: LA Times

War of the Giants

Sony lost the Video war back in the 80's when VHS became the commercial consumer standard over Betamax.

So when DVD went high(er) tech they were determined not to lose this one. Toshiba's HD DVD has bitten the dust to Sony's Blu-ray. Along with all the major players, including Wal-Mart, Warner Bros, Walt Disney, 20th Century Fox etc. the industry standard is now Blu-ray.

Some companies (like poor misguided Microsoft) had signed up to produce/use HD DVD, and Toshiba has promised to support the system, but has not said for how long.

However, the victory may be a hollow one. The real winner is probably going to be the Internet  download.

Get Dancin' - Disco-Tex and the Sex-O-Lettes

Parts 1 + 2 performed by the great Sir Monti Rock III

"No-one cares how you wear your hair darling!"

"I can't go on!
My chiffon is wet!
My wig is wet!"

"Hallo Cherie!"

Sparks This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both Of Us

Ah .... Nostalgia ....

The Lambeth Conference - Update

The Nigerian Bishops have decided not to attend the Anglican Church's 10 yearly conference in Lambeth this year because of their disgust at the ordination of openly Gay U.S. Bishop Gene Robinson in 2003, and the continuing practice of the blessing of same-sex couples in the Anglican Church.

The Archbishop of Sydney, Australia made the same decision earlier this month and the Kenyans followed suit last thursday, followed closely by the Ugandan Bishops. Rwanda had already pledged their alliance to the African Council of Churches and will also not be attending. 

Added to this the American Diocese' that have split from the Anglican Church and allied themselves with the African Churches and it will mean that more than 30 million members, less than 50% of the Anglican Church will be represented.

What does this all mean to me? I hear you ask.

Just this. The Anglican Church is not as showy as the Catholic Church but does have enormous power politically in America (of course) and the emerging countries of West Africa. That this huge organisation is pulling itself apart, and has been doing so for the last 5 years is a sign on the 

wall. Polarisation is inevitable, and apparent.

 

Expect the anti-Gay backlash to come from the church, not the state.

Bananas!

"Some people say I dress too gay,
but every day i feel so gay
and when I'm gay
I dress this way.
Something wrong with that?
No!"

Carmen Miranda + Busby Berkeley

All about HIV, all about us

I received in the post a brochure with an invitation to a symposium.

It looks like a very expensive brochure, and a very expensive symposium even though it tells me it is free. Its in a very expensive location in a very expensive part of Holland too.

But it is from the Hiv Vereniging Nederland.

And its called 'All about HIV, all about us'.

But I'm a bit confused about the 'us' bit.

You see I've read the brochure from cover to cover and back again and I can't find 'me'.

There is no mention of 'Gay Men' in any of the readings or workshops planned for the day, and the actual word 'Gay' is only used once in the entire brochure.

So maybe you can understand my confusion as to why the Hiv Vereniging Nederland should send me a brochure and invitation to a symposium about everybody else with Hiv except me....

Hiv vaccine development hits brick wall

"Scientists are no further forward in developing a vaccine against HIV after more than 20 years of research," Professor David Baltimore has said. 

"Our lack of success may be understandable but it is not acceptable,"

"Some years ago I came to the conclusion that our community had to seriously undertake new approaches or we might find ourselves with a worldwide epidemic and no effective response," Prof Baltimore told the annual meeting of the AAAS in Boston.

"That is just where we are today."

source: BBC News

Happy Valentine's Day!

Auntie Barbara says Happy Valentine's Day to you all ..... and so do I XXXX

Dancing

I haven't danced for years. Not the monkey shuffle that passes for dancing in the gay circuit, but 'proper' dancing.

This for a former Gold Medal winner Ballroom and Latin American West Midlands region of (approx.) 1974 ....

I haven't Tap danced since the New York run of BlooLips in (approx.) 1983 ....

My last Classical Ballet lesson was 1979 (that one I know for certain).

In New York I was part of a group of gay male dancers who, led by a fiery Cuban named Juan, performed the Tango male to male. I loved it, the passion, the power, the strength was incredible. And yes it was incredibly sexy to do and to see. Its really hard, if not impossible, to not get seriously physically turned on when holding and being held by a man for considerable periods of time in positions that defy convention.

But the power of it .... just the speed made control essential, and the strength that was necessary to maintain that control was immense. This was no malleable little woman being shuffled across the parquet floor, these were big strong men wrestling to keep themselves and their equally strong partners from flying out of control.

The equality of men with men was something I have always remembered. Something so traditionally 'nancy' as ballroom dancing as a true expression of the power, strength and passion inherent in the male.

But I've no idea where I could do that sort of thing now. Not in Amsterdam anyway.

Amy, Amy, Amy ....

The 50th Annual Grammy Awards 2008

Record of the year
Amy Winehouse - Rehab

Song of the year
Amy Winehouse - Rehab

Best new artist
Amy Winehouse

Best female pop vocal performance
Amy Winehouse - Rehab 

Best pop vocal album
Amy Winehouse - Back to Black

Blue Door

Love Colton Ford

Amsterdam: Our ex-porn stars always end up waiting on tables .... attitude is no substitute for talent ....

G

Yesterday afternoon, bright and sunny, bitterly cold but no deterrent to sitting on the Terrace of the Engel and drinking coffee/wine with the other regulars.

And then there was a blast from the past, G. Never a friend, nor really an acquaintance. More someone who I would have liked to have spent more time with over the past 20+ years. Our paths crossed and uncrossed at regular but sparse intervals over the years. He witnessed my ex, the downfall of said relationship, my various career moves without being an integral part of them.

A lovely man, a gentle man, a proud man.

So he sits down and tells me he has 8 to 9 months left to live because he has liver cancer.

With the directness that seems to be the sole right of terminally ill people I get the story, although honesty demands that I say that I did push slightly.

A long term survivor of hiv, he has been medicated since lord knows when. AZT, mono-therapy, cocktails, protease inhibitors etc etc etc. That he's had Chronic Hepatitis B for years hasn't helped his liver functions. But that isn't what's killing him.

Every 3 months we go to the hospital to get our CD4 and VL counts and then we are sent home till the next time. As if that's all a doctor needs to know to declare us healthy. We know that hiv drugs are harmful to our bodies, but that seems to get overlooked. Screening for liver functions once a year clearly isn't enough, but why doesn't it happen more often? Anal cancer only gets tested if the patient has clear symptoms, but it can be present in the body for months before it becomes a problem. Low hormone levels, an indication of what? Hiv is a chronic disease, why don't we get full screening? Too expensive?

Of course other people get cancer, and liver cancer is notoriously untreatable, and there is not necessarily a connection but is it not time that we looked at the consequences of long term antiretroviral use?

This is 2 people in the last few months who we thought were going to live as long as their hiv negative counterparts through the miracle of modern science and the benevolence of pharmaceutical companies.

Trust your body, mistrust figures, demand facts.

Happy New Lunar Year!

I know its a day (2) late but the Chinese community celebrates their New Year here today, Saturday. Economics above all else of course ....

Its the Year of the Earth Rat, and therefore a new start to the chinese zodiac 12 year cycle.

Traditionally to be expected; leadership changes, sex scandals, climate upheavals and economic slowdowns.

I can't wait ....

Mind and Body

Can, and if it can how far, our minds control our bodies?

We rely upon the conscious, unconscious and subconscious parts of our brains to keep our bodies up and running without too much effort on our parts. But of course this isn't how it works.

If we had to rely on the conscious part of our brain in order to breathe, then we would never be able to sleep. Things that we entrust to our subconscious brain are sometimes events, memories, people that the conscious part of our brain wouldn't be able to process into images, sounds, smells etc that would be recognizable to our senses. We are not too good at so-called reverse sense transcription.

In fact we have almost no conscious control over recall. Memories are triggered by external impulses not internal conscious decisions. However, memories can also be used (and abused) by the subconscious.

Conscious is ready, unconscious is standby, subconscious is a whole different ball-game.

The subconscious is the part of the brain that we hope stays underground where it should. But how do we know it does?

Apple

I'm Mac'd!

Checkpoint

Dear Checkpoint Clients,

For some of you it is already a while ago, for others it was very recently that you visited our hiv testing facility.

We would like to inform you that Checkpoint is going to close its doors from June 21st 2008. This is due to the fact that Checkpoint has reached its most important goal: acceptance and implementation of the hiv rapid test as screening method. We do realise that not all GGD’s are using the rapid test, but it’s up to the GGD Netherlands and the GGD’s that are using the rapid test to convince their colleagues. Through the link Andere sneltestlocaties in Nederland (Other rapid test facilities in the Netherlands) you can check if the GGD in your surroundings uses the rapid hiv test.

Until Friday June 20th 2008 we are still running our clinic. Appointments can still be made through the Servicepunt (020-689 25 77) on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays between 2 and 6 pm.

With this email we would like to thank all of you for the trust you gave us during the past 6 years.
Checkpoint

.... and with that e-mail the last 'truly' gay friendly (although not exclusive) place to get tested for hiv has been lost. To the wonderful people who have kept this going for 6 years, and especially Stan and William - the community owes you all a great deal.

Its so bizarre that at a point when the Gay male community is screaming out for specific help and support that all the services that were (as few as were/are) are disappearing. As the gap between the Aids Industry and the community widens then no-one should be surprised when things go seriously wrong. How can the Industry blame the hiv+ Gay Male community for spreading the virus when the doors to testing, support, understanding are slammed shut in our faces.

Why should any Gay Male make the effort to stand in line outside of the STD clinic at 6 'o clock in the morning, cheek and jowl with the great unwashed of this city, in order to get tested for hiv if he feels healthy?

For that matter, why would he do that for anything? He might do it for Madonna tickets at a push. Lets get real here ....

A Gay Male is not going to get tested for anything if he has no obvious long-term symptoms. The more difficult testing is made, the more STD's in all shapes and sizes will become epidemic.

Its not just about funding. Its about changing attitude. The Dutch are paranoid about being seen as 'discriminatory' alothough that is changing very slowly. But it means that anything specifically targeted at one group is seen as discriminatory, whether it is positive or not. As Gay Men we are not actually allowed to discriminate against ourselves by wanting 'special' treatment. We 'should' want to be treated just like everyone else, all support, treatment, help etc 'should' be open to all indiscriminately. This is ingrained in the Dutch culture and will take a long time to change, if ever.

Dutch 'liberalism' is tolerance not acceptance.

.

A Little Priest

"Desperate times, Mrs Lovatt, call for desperate measures"

Premiere Tuschinsky Amsterdam Thursday 7 February ....

Mr Anonymous

Mr Anonymous poster has revealed his true identity to me and offered a couple of very sensible corrections to my post regarding the AWBZ - please read the comments.

and thank you Mr Anonymous :-)
.

Some Like It Hot

the Good News and the Bad News

.


the Good News

The land of chocolate, cow bells, and nazi bank accounts has proven what we've all suspected for a while now - a non-detetectable viral load gives a (clinically) negligible chance of transfer. Very simply said; if you take your meds then the chance that you can infect anyone else is technically zero.

The Americans et al are up in arms about this of course. Our status just moved from 'potential murderers' to 'nice people who take pills'.


the Bad News

The Liberal Netherlands moves one step further away from utopia.

The Nederlandse Algemene Wet Bijzondere Ziektekosten or AWBZ as it is called is a general law (or group of rules) organising insurance payment for so called 'special illnesses'. In Dutch Law these 'special illnesses' are termed as such when there is no cure, if there is treatment to halt or reduce the spread of the illness, experimental treatments etc. Nursing homes, hospices etc also fall under this law.

As hiv+ers we are classified as chronically ill and all of our hiv related costs are paid for by this law.

However, yesterday the comittee for advice to the government on public health advised them to remove the AWBZ and hand it over to the commercial health insurance companies. Saying that "they are better equipped to deal with these cases more efficiently and with higher quality". They also added that the cost of the AWBZ for the government is exhorbitant.

What does this mean?

The most vulnerable people in this country, the terminally ill, the chronically ill, the dying, the diseased without hope, the disabled without future - their well-being will be decided upon by commercial insurance companies.

That is, if they can pay for it .... can you?
.

see AidsMap