Is it too late?

Is it too late to 'Humbug' Christmas?

Is it too early to do the soul searching thing that we always seem to do at New Year?

Stuck between the two great holdays of the year in the limbo that is the 'Festive Season'.

'Boxing Day' always filled me with dread, that of excrutiating boredom. A day removed of all the excitement of Christmas Eve, the expectation, the excitement, the tension. Only to be replaced with a day of sport, left-overs and badly chosen presents.

I remember the Christmas my Father gave me an electric organ. There's a polaroid photo of me somewhere just after I've finished unpacking it. There's no disguising the disappointment on that face....

What on earth was he thinking of? Which particular straw had he desperately grasped at that year? Or was it (once again) an offer he couldn't refuse?

In a couple of days time, not sure which exactly, he will have been dead approximately 12 years. It pains me to say that I can't be more accurate. My god, even in death he's as unfathomable as he was when he was alive. His death was a loss to us all. For a short while.

Is it too much to hope that I won't die as ignominiously as he did? With a church full of people whom we, the family, didn't know. A funeral for a man we didn't know. Loved and respected by all. Except us.

Is it too late to be someone other than my Father's son?

Or am I more than that?