New meds .... and time takes on a new meaning.
Awake every hour on the hour throughout the night as if the sleeping pil is itself an alarm clock set to disturb and alarm.
And 'day' becomes a flexible concept, and 'night' once more a thing to be dreaded (if not feared).
Going to bed has it's traumatic side for me anyway after 12 years of systematic rape within my relationship. 'Bed' and 'the bedroom' are not words that calm me, or inspire me to relax. Years I would go to bed as early as possible and pray to be asleep when my ex came to bed. Years I would fake being asleep just to try and deter him from wanting sex. Years I would try anything to make him cum quicker so it would be over quicker. Just get him to shoot his load in my ass and I could then get to sleep.
But of course I didn't sleep. Too tired to sleep, too hurt to cry, too afraid. My brain was numb. My body not my own. My soul?
Sent from my iPhone
Awake every hour on the hour throughout the night as if the sleeping pil is itself an alarm clock set to disturb and alarm.
And 'day' becomes a flexible concept, and 'night' once more a thing to be dreaded (if not feared).
Going to bed has it's traumatic side for me anyway after 12 years of systematic rape within my relationship. 'Bed' and 'the bedroom' are not words that calm me, or inspire me to relax. Years I would go to bed as early as possible and pray to be asleep when my ex came to bed. Years I would fake being asleep just to try and deter him from wanting sex. Years I would try anything to make him cum quicker so it would be over quicker. Just get him to shoot his load in my ass and I could then get to sleep.
But of course I didn't sleep. Too tired to sleep, too hurt to cry, too afraid. My brain was numb. My body not my own. My soul?
Sent from my iPhone
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