
The Councillor in Rotterdam responsible for Health, Jantine Kriens, has decided that Hiv patients no longer need psycho-social support.
you can't keep a good man down ...

The Councillor in Rotterdam responsible for Health, Jantine Kriens, has decided that Hiv patients no longer need psycho-social support.
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.... and take their temporary lovers, their pills and powders to get them through this passion please ....
It ain't.
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A Single Man, adapted from the novel by Christopher Isherwood and directed by ex fashion designer Tom Ford, has won the Queer Golden Lion for gay-themed movies screening at the Venice Film Festival, in competition with fourteen other films. The film's star Colin Firth has also won the festival's Best Actor award.
I know I'm being obtuse but what the hell ;-)
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Some kind of door into my own past? present? future?
More details will emerge later this evening.
I hope ....
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Ah ....
I was reminded not so long ago of one of the (for me) most distressing
symptoms of clinical depression - short term memory loss.
Now it seems that lots of things will actually trigger short term
memory loss. Last month it was pronounced a definite symptom of
alcohol abuse combined with HIV for example. How some of these
conclusions are reached, however, sounds pretty dubious sometimes to
me. What did they do to find this out? Ask people with HIV to remember
when their last drink was?
Anyway, memory loss is annoying at best and destroying at worst. Thw
why's and wherefore's of memory loss are mostly irrelevant unless one
tries to avoid the unavoidable.
Whether it be substance abuse, pills or old age the results differ
only in degree.
My Grandmother died with premature dementia, a sword of Damocles that
has swung above my Mother"s head for years. And my own for that
matter. Every time I can't remember someone"s name I tend to panic -
"is this the beginning of the end?"
My first partner here in the Netherlands, Herman, was deeply demented
in the end when the Doctor finally put him out of his misery.
One can't explain the anguish, the pain and sometimes sheer terror of
living with someone who is suffering dementia. Herman was, in the last
6 months of his life, completely and utterly unreasonable in his
demands for everyone around him. At war with life, his life and
definitely his own death, he would threaten, sulk and glare to get his
own way. As the song says "Quips with a sting, jokes with a sneer, and
the lies ill-concealed and the wounds never healed".
Just like my poor Grandmother, Herman turned into an unreasonable
patient. His weapon of choice was the wheelchair. He loved to be
wheeled around town so that he could be gawked at by others. It gave
him the perfect excuse to be nasty to all he met whilst playing the
poor defenceless invalid.
Then they turn into Godzilla. They both moved into a period where they
stayed at home and continued their ranting from their armchairs.
Impossible to please they would delight in torturing their
(previously) loved ones, deriding them for their lack of caring.
And the last phase? The worst of all. The silence. The face that says
nothing, the eyes that betray nothing, the loved one that is no longer.
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To the Hema"
Eat a sausage roll, listen to Mahler's 4th Symphony on your iPhone,
and smile.
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There is more to it all of course, but the fear of disclosure is
strong even for me.
I must also differentiate between the bedroom, the bed, and sleep itself.
Sleep is the fear of never waking up again, the fear of never wanting
to wake up again. It's oblivion and it's safe at the same time. To
leave one"s body and mind on hold and to leap into nothingness is so
routine for most people that I'm sure some of you are quite shocked to
hear me talk this way.
Each night is a journey into oblivion, nothingness, a state of not
being. Each morning I wake, until the morning when I do not.
It's a conscious choice and it's the subconscious relinquishing of
choice.
Sleep well ....
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A constituent asks, "Why are you supporting this Nazi policy?" Frank responds: "On what planet do you spend most of your time?"
I hope that this is not because my new pills are not working, just
that they are not working at full strength yet.
I'll tell you one thing for sure, the suicidal thoughts are always
very distressing, although they are (I think) becoming less frequent.
Just writing the above scares me very much. Why? What people will
think. Will they think I'm incapable of rational thought? Will they
think I'm about to slit my wrists any moment? That I'm dangerous to be
with? Unsafe to give responsibility to? Unable to carry on?
I'm just a Gay man with HIV and a serious disability in the form of
severe depression.
I'm not alone, there are unfortunately many of us.
With the right medication and good support we can get along fine.
Without one or both of the above life is difficult, sometimes very
difficult.
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It was full on war on the Dijk yesterday at a level that I never
dreamed they (Queens Head and Barderij) would have stooped to.
Without the support of friends I would have been made to look a fool
too.
All in all another reason to distance myself even more from the
'wrong" side of the Zeedijk.
But ....
Once again ....
Why do some people only really feel good about themselves when they
are putting other people down?
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Honestly.
Gay and not a shopaholic I'm glad to say. Not many things
bore me like shopping for non-essential items - but nothing in the
world hits that button like shopping for essentials does.
You all know exactly what I mean. You need something very specific, in
a specific colour, and a specific size .... And there's only one
place you think it may be. The Market.
Brrrrrrrrrrr
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We're all Pavlov's dogs to a certain extent, conditioned to respnd to
stimulii. But how do we create those responses?
Because, of course, our lives are not a controlled lab experiment. We
are continually bombarded with 'appropriate' responses to stimulii,
but the choices that we make, the responses we choose to link to the
stimulii, are they random?
Maybe it's chance, maybe we choose the response that hurts the least,
or the most, and maybe sometimes we have no choice and the responses
are forced upon us.
It's a kind of crossed wires syndrome where the response is neither
appropriate nor in proportion.
Which is, of course, a pretty good description of emotions in general;
not always appropriate or in proportion (or even relevant).
We are not in control of our emotions, and we should never want to be
for emotion control is one of the sure ways to madness. However we
need to be aware of the truth about how fickle our emotions are, how
easily manipulated, how easily influenced.
"I put you down because it makes me feel better about myself"
Pavlov's dogs.
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I've discovered that 'downers' like alcohol really do have an adverse
effect on me. As do large crowds of people.
I've unfortunately also re-discovered that one of the greatest taboo
subjects in the world is still mental illness. People generally are
either so frightened of it that they don't want to hear, or are so
intolerant that they dismiss it as 'drama queen' behaviour. Neither
helps.
I don't know the answer to this, if there is one, or if one is even
necessary.
If I'm mad as a hatter but only hurt myself because of that? Does that
make me a threat to society?
No, the feelings of hopelessness will destroy any joy or happiness in
your life and leave you as a burnt out shell of a human being....
.... and the world may never even know.
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At best it was boring, at worst demeaning.
A city full of dronken heterosexuals came to see the fags on boats.
Canal Parade has, inherently, always had a high voyeurs level. The
fags are captive on the boats with a very safe distance of water
between them and the general public. Where this invisible barrier used
to help the fags to let go of their inhibitions without fear of being
beaten to pulp by the straights, it now serves to keep the public safe
from 'undesirable' and 'inapropriate' behaviour.
What was (sometimes) a joyous, raucous celebration of all things Gay,
incuding Gay Sex, is now an advertising vehicle snuffeling for the
Pink Euro.
Sorry fellas, Gay Pride has become a Cash Cow and is not only
interested in our wallets, but in the wallets of the General Public.
I'm afraid that yesterday just made me angry.
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He died last night at the age of 90 leaving a legacy that few could
ever hope to acheive.
Cunningham was a Choreographer avant la lettre.
Art was art, whether it involved the human body or not. Famous
collaborations with Cage in which both his music and Cunningham"s
dance were created separately and only during performances played/
danced together.
The story that has always stayed wth me is this:
"One day Merce was at the swimming pool. Relaxing in the restaurant
there he was separated from the pool and the swimmers by a large glass
window. There was also a large jukebox that sometimes played popular
numbers of the time.
Merce noticed for the first time in his career that what he was seeing
on the other side of the glass was.connected to what he was hearing on
his side. Although neither was deliberately constructed to do so, the
swimmers and musicians where somehow, on a subconscious level, in
perfect harmony with each other."
Without Merce Cunningham and his work, Art would be a lot different
today.
Only the risk-takers push the envelope for the rest of us. Not because
they want to, but because they have no other choice.
We should praise their (and therefore our) right to celebrate feedom,
and that these wonderful people give us a vocabulary to do so.
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Two months, how long was she dying before she died? How long did she
pray that the neighbours would notice due was gone, was she still
praying long after her soul had left her body? Did she hope for a
miracle, that her chdren would take the time to notice her
disappearance, now in her death if not in her life?
Dear lord please don't let that happen to me.
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The medication is "necessary". A "necessary evil" is how it's sold to
us.
We have no real evidence of the effects of long term medication,
dosage, combinations, duration.
We have become a race of guinea pigs.
Lets hope we don't turn into lemmings.
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Saturday, 16 May
Dozens of riot police broke up a gay rights demonstration today before the Eurovision Song Contest final in Moscow, grabbing protesters and throwing them into police cars and a waiting bus.
Those arrested for taking part in the small demonstration, which had been banned by city authorities, included British and Russian campaigners.
"There is no freedom for gays in Russia," British gay rights activist Peter Tatchell shouted as police bundled him away. "We call on President (Dmitry) Medvedev to meet with us."
Police pushed waiting reporters away as they arrested the gay and lesbian participants but there were no beatings.
Among those detained was Nikolai Alexeyev, a Russian gay rights leader. Alexeyev was walking with a person wearing women's clothes, whom he described as a friend. Police said they were arresting him for walking with a transvestite.
Moscow Mayor Yuri Luzhkov has taken a hard line against homosexual protesters, once describing a gay rights parade as "satanic".
"Moscow has never had gay parades and it never will," said Mayor Yuri Luzhkov's spokesman, Sergei Tsoi. "Not only do they destroy morals within our society, but they consciously provoke disorder which threatens the lives of Muscovites and visitors."
Parade organizer and prominent gay rights activist Nikolai Alekseyev said on his website www.gayrussia.ru that the event would take place anyway.
"This is our right and it is guaranteed by the constitution. No official, including the Moscow mayor, has the right to violate it," Alekseyev said.
But Luzhkov's spokesman said any attempt to hold an unsanctioned gay parade would be "toughly stopped by law enforcement agencies in accordance with the law."
Luzhkov, who has been mayor of Moscow since 1992, once said gay parades were "a satanic act"
Russia did not decriminalize gay sex until 1993, two years after the Soviet Union's collapse, and intolerance is widespread.
Moscow has no gay-friendly district and the homosexual scene is still largely underground. Public displays of affection between same-sex couples are rare.
The gay parade, scheduled for May 16, was meant to coincide with Moscow's hosting of the Eurovision Song Contest. Activists had asked that competitors back homosexual rights on stage.
A Swiss-based Eurovision spokesman, currently in Moscow, declined to comment on the banning of the parade but said: "It's not a secret that we have a large gay audience and we respect everyone's backgrounds."
What are you waiting for?
Before your legs are paralyzed,
before you get pancreatic cancer,
before you waste away,
do it
now
.
Unable to embed - please go to You Tube and make your day ....

Reactie van Poz & Proud op start Schorer Monitor 2009
Begin deze week is het jaarlijkse onderzoek van Schorer gestart naar de seksuele gezondheid van de Nederlandse homo: De Schorer Monitor. In de vragenlijst van de Monitor 2009 ontbreken opnieuw essentiële vragen die belangrijk zijn voor een goed inzicht in de seksuele gezondheid van homo’s met hiv. Ook heeft Schorer tot op heden geen concrete toezeggingen gedaan om zijn stigmatiserende communicatiestrategie aan te passen.
Schorer heeft in diverse gesprekken getoond open te staan voor kritiek en heeft ook toezeggingen gedaan om de Monitor in de komende jaren te verbeteren. Op belangrijke onderdelen heeft Schorer echter volgens Poz & Proud nog te weinig met deze kritiek gedaan. Poz & Proud mist vooral een helder signaal van Schorer dat de communicatie in de toekomst zorgvuldiger zal gaan verlopen. De uitkomsten van de Monitor dreigen hierdoor opnieuw door een onzorgvuldige communicatiestrategie een negatief beeld van homoseksualiteit in het algemeen en hiv in het bijzonder bij het algemene publiek op te roepen. Het instellen van een commissie op persoonlijke titel om de uitkomsten van het onderzoek te duiden is geen garantie voor een goede communicatiestrategie. Een onderzoek dat opnieuw op belangrijke punten de plank misslaat is geen goed onderzoek in de ogen van Poz & Proud en schaadt bovendien de belangen van hiv-positieve homo’s.
Poz & Proud ontraadt daarom aan het onderzoek deel te nemen.
i.e. DO NOT TAKE PART IN THE ON-LINE SCHORER MONITOR!!!!


The Denver Principles Statement from the Advisory Committee of People with AIDS (1983) We condemn attempts to label us as 'victims,' a term which implies defeat, and we are only occasionally 'patients,' a term which implies passivity, helplessness, and dependence upon the care of others. We are 'People With AIDS.' RECOMMENDATIONS FOR HEALTH CARE PROFESSIONALS RECOMMENDATIONS FOR ALL PEOPLE RECOMMENDATIONS FOR PEOPLE WITH AIDS RIGHTS OF PEOPLE WITH AIDS |

Its always the woman
The hand in the till
The five dollar diamond
The three dollar bill
A genius for trickery,
that's second to none
There's nothing as low as a woman
Isn't this fun?





